AMUSING AND PUZZLING COMMENTS
E-MAILED TO ME OVER THE LAST FIVE YEARS
We have received some fascinating, intriguing and
inspiring E Mails over the last five years since we set up.
But we have also received some comments which are either amusing (usually accidentally!) or frankly puzzling. Indeed, occasionally some comments seem to defy all logic!
But we thought it might be amusing to start adding some of these comments here. The newer ones appear at the bottom - obviously, no names given:
"I am glad someone is having the courage to write about sex in a Christian marriage since pastors won't talk about it. I wish I had read your article, 'The Christian Woman' many years ago... Do you give demonstrations for young ladies?"
I think my wife might object if I did!
"Why would it be wrong to ask God to make me rich? Are you really saying that He will work with believers who are not rich? I have never heard this before!"
"I am angered that you believe that Catholics too can be saved! But my own view is broad too... I really believe that He can save all Presbyterians!"
Wow! Now that REALLY IS saying something! (before you Presbyterians send me off an angry E Mail, I am only joking!)
"There is one false teacher you never mention. His name is (Name given) I want you to write about him"
But I have never heard about him. I need more details so I can research his ministry. Where is he based?
"Two streets from me - he is my pastor!"
"I have a problem when you say it is 'theologically unsound' - I don't care what is 'theologically unsound', I just stand by the Bible!
Yes, somebody really did say this to me!
"I agreed with everything I read on your website but I will still never return again because I am a 'King James Christian' - Me and King James stand together!"
The irony is, in her much longer E Mail, this lady told me the particular articles which she had read and ALL quote the New King James Version! Again, sometimes words just fail me!
"I read the thing by John Bunyan. I think I met him at a conference two years ago!"
John Bunyan died a few hundred years ago; you could not have met him two years ago!
"Perhaps it was his son"
"I don't understand your article in the slightest, but I disagree with all of it!"
"I want you to come round here right now to tell my pastor where he is wrong!"
Actually, I live the other side of the Atlantic Ocean to yourself. I am unable to come to your home in the next few minutes. Let me send you the article print-out and you can tactfully suggest that your pastor reads it - but be tactful.
"But I thought you lived in the block across the street! Has the internet advanced so much that it can even cross the Atlantic??"
"I feel spiritually joined to King James. I don't feel spiritually joined to the NIV Bible. Where King James walks, I too walk; he is my constant companion!"
"Where is the article about cats?"
Article about cats? We have no articles about cats, this is a Christian website.
"What do you have against cats?"
Nothing. I love cats. I can see my own cat sitting in the garden in the sunshine right now, but we don't answer questions about cats, we answer biblical questions. I think you may have got confused and come to the wrong website!
"Why are you looking at cats through your window? Are you sure its me that is confused?"
"Why don't you just call them all bums? Thats what they all are!!"
It just isn't my style to call people 'bums'!
"Okay, you could be milder: Call them all bast**ds!"
"Can you please explain to me the difference between tithing and giving a tenth? I have been told that some give a 12th or even an 8th depending on how they are fixed. One man gives a 20th because his wife doesn't come, but his Uncle originally gave a tenth, but then a 5th because of his illness. But a tenth would be the same as a 20th if it was after half of a year, or would it be before? Is this getting confusing?"
"Please write about birth control but don't write about sex - just birth control. Is it a cause of blindness?"
"Will a moslem become offended if I just gently tell him that his religion is rather meaningless and is just a shallow attempt at salvation by works? I also think I should say that his family cook smelly food - is that their religion? As long as I can just say all this tactfully, I want to evangelise them for the Lord. Does he understand about Hell? Will he be likely to agree with me that he might be headed there? Can I say this tactfully?"
Hmmmm!.....I suppose that some are just not meant to be evangelists!!
"Did you study Greek or Hebrew on your theology degree?"
"Can you translate some Latin for me then?"
"I do worry about spies on the internet. Can I be sure that no spies work for you?"
You can rest assured that we employ no spies!
"Okay, so who built the pyramids, how many did he employ and how long did it take?"
I haven't got a clue!
"And you call yourself a Christian minister??"
"I don't know why you don't like the prosperity guys. If you have no money, how can you preach the gospel? Our pastor-------, preaches the health and wealth, but he sure needs the money. He needed a new auto one time and we got it for him. It was double what we thought but he said he had to have the best, just like God wants the best. If God is rich so should be his men - aint that right?"
Hmmmmm!.... I rest my case.
"I need a recipe for cooking squash, carrots and potatoes because those things are good for you and my spiritual health could certainly improve"
"You are British. Britain is a small country; do you know Tony Blair?"
"Is it right for one computer to have a relationship with another one? I don't really understand but my friend said I should stop it right now!"
"....But anyhow I think they should be made to not come any more if they drink wine.."
Would you have told Jesus not to attend? See Luke 7:33. Perhaps you should read THIS.
MUSELTOF COUNTERCULT AND APOLOGETICS
MY CHRISTIAN WORLD